Jessie

Today I finished a short story titled "Jessie." It is one of those rare stories that I find genuinely disturbing. It started as a "crime" story but has evolved into something much more.

Anyone who knows me knows I have a soft spot in my heart for kids, and maybe that's why my story is so disturbing. It focuses around a boy who is sexually abused and decides to extract revenge on his abuser. It is 11:30 at night and that story is stuck in my head, keeping me awake.

You see, I think I stepped too close on this one. I knew that to make the story powerful, I needed to push the envelope in terms of comfort. Any type of abuse of children has always bothered me, and I often have a very hard time watching movies in which bad things happen to children. I wrote the story in a fit -- several thousand words in one manic sitting of a few hours. And the whole time, I was pushing the limits of my comfort level harder and harder.

One thing I accomplished for certain, and this is a common theme in much of my writing, is that you have a person perform an evil act for a good cause. I think this story definitely raises the ethical debate about whether or not an evil action in the name of good is morally acceptable.

I gave the story a quick read over when I finished the rough. I didn't find the scenes I'd written detailing the abuse to be too graphic. And honestly, this is one of my cleanest pieces of fiction in terms of language. But there's something about it -- the subject matter -- or perhaps the idea that there really are people out there who lure youngsters in and rape them. Maybe the other disturbing part is the idea that a young person -- a young teen -- is driven to extract the kind of revenge taken out in this story. Definitely does something to the concept of the innocent child.

Another thing is I'm waffling on my thoughts. Generally, I'd say "no" to the idea of an evil action in the cause of good. But on this story, I truly thought to myself, "maybe this is how things should be. Teach these people a lesson."

The one positive is that it is 11:30 at night and I finished this story about 15 hours ago. Usually, when I finish the rough draft, the story's gone, but not this one. It prevented me from working on other stuff today, and that makes me feel that either the writing or the subject matter, or both is powerful stuff.

I will revise it and send it out. Not sure when though. I know that I need to get some distance between me and this story before I spend anymore time with it.

Now that I think about it, I believe what bothers me most is it is true horror. Writers spend countless hours entertaining us with stories of vampires, werewolves, monsters, aliens and things that go bump in the night. Even in the field of mysteries, our murderers are far more lethal and far more clever than their real-life counterparts -- most of whom are caught within a few hours of the crime. But my story touches on a true horror, something truly scary and something that exists in our world.

If I've acurately captured that true horror, can tell the story, and maybe motivate someone out there to do something, maybe in that case, I've taken a step forward as a writer today.

But it still bothers me.